you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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