I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
