my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
