Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
