Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I am full of burrito and curiosity
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
