your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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