my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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