I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
