2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
