We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize