I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
