Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
