Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
