i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
