i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
