Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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