did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
