Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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