you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
