Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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