and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he fucked my hip out of place.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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