soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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