i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
