A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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