if you like me you must not know who I am
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
