I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
