I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
