in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
