Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
