I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
