her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
there is puke in my bra ... again
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