This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
