the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
