I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
where does the pee come out of this thing
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
