I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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