Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
