i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
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