dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
