when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I know her cup size but not her name....
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