We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
