its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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