i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
