Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
