Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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