i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
