Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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