I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
