whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
