ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
