just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
