Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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