You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
