I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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