its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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