this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
