How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
