So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
