shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I want to fling myself into the sun
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
