Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
