a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize