No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
This house was built for laser tag.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
