I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Randomize
