After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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