I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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