You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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