when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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