He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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