the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
