Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
