I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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