Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Bring me that man meat
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
