fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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