Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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