Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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