K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I didn't notice because vodka
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
